how to FRENCH FISHTAIL SEASHELL BRAID

Just Divine. How to do the French Fishtail Seashell Braid.

parenting MONDAYS

We cannot do great things on this Earth, only small things with great love. Mother Teresa

Positive Uses of Guilt

1. Guilt is our conscience talking. Just because we don’t like feeling guilty doesn’t mean that there isn’t something to feel guilty about. Guilt is a signal to take a look at our part in our relationship with our child and whether or not we have done what we believe in our hearts is good enough parenting. Guilt is our internal alarm system that signals that maybe we’re not living up to our own expectations of ourselves.
2. Guilt can make us pay better attention to what we are doing as parents. Guilt is a thinking emotion. Yes, we feel bad. But along with the feeling is usually some version of “I should have, could have, wish I had” that can be useful in its own way. It makes us consider whether we really should have or could have done something different and, if so, what we can do next to better the situation.
3. Guilt can be a motivator to do something. Nobody likes to carry feelings of guilt around for long. It can be the push we need to make some changes in our lives so we come closer to being the parent we want to be.
4. When not over-done, showing our guilt can be a way to make the child we’ve let down (however unintentionally) feel better and can help heal the relationship. When the teen sees us feeling guilty, embarrassed, or ashamed, the teen feels heard and sees that his or her feelings or needs are respected.

On the other hand, guilt can immobilise the individual and distance people from one another.

Negative Uses of Guilt

1. Guilt can let us off the hook from making change. If we look like we feel bad enough, the person we’ve wronged ends up feeling sorry for us and doesn’t feel entitled to ask us to do something we really ought to be doing.
2. Guilt can be a passive-aggressive way to assign blame. Some mothers are masters at using guilt to manipulate. Our children want and need our approval. Because feeling disconnected from a parent’s love is frightening, children do respond to the “guilt trip.” Young children will do almost anything to get back into Mum’s favour. Teens, however, respond to guilt with some combination of anger and their own guilt, causing the relationship to break down further.
3. Guilt can be a way to punish ourselves. If we can’t change what has happened; if we can’t figure out how to make things right; if we see ourselves as having been a terrible mother, we can at least have the decency to beat ourselves up with guilt for a very, very long time. It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t repair a troubled relationship with our child. Atonement is a poor second choice to reparations but sometimes it feels easier.
4. Guilt can be a poor substitute for feelings of self-worth. When a mum doesn’t believe she can live up to her own standards, she can at least show that she’s a good person by feeling guilty about it. Real self-esteem requires working on actually achieving those standards, not sitting in good intentions.

It is inevitable in family life, and especially in family life in the teen years, that our kids will at times feel misunderstood, and that we moms will over- or underreact to choices they make. When people are engaged with each other, it’s impossible not to step on one another’s toes now and then. When teens are doing the hard work of separating from family and asserting their individuality but at the same trying to stay connected, they may say harsh things, make poor choices, or push limits and get themselves into trouble.

Negative guilt ultimately gets in the way of doing what needs to be done to maintain healthy relationships while at the same time holding ourselves and our kids to healthy standards. Used well, guilt helps us feel empathy, connect to our child, and get busy making needed changes.

a touch of PINK

loving on FRIDAY around the blogosphere

~ I have introduced you to this fabulous photographer before. Alexandrena Parker has cystic fibrosis and she is following her dreams at becoming a photographer holding her own working with children. Above are two of her latest campaigns for Country Road and Tutu Du Monde. I am in awe of her amazing talent. 

~ Are you thinking of starting your own fashion blog? if so are you trying to think of a name that is unique and for you? Here are a few tips from ifb ...... 9 Easy Ways To Name Your Blog

1. Pick your favourite fashion related item and a dessert-type food, place both together

2. Throw a shout out to where you live

3. Add - ista to the end of a word often used in the fashion industry

4. Give yourself a quirky nickname. 

6. Ask a question about fashion

7. Pick an animal, then incorporate that animal into an aesthetic

8. Vogue and… [random object]

9. Something having to do with style. Really, it could be anything

~ In the spirit of the Olympic Games grab your free AUGUST desktop from the ever talented Tabitha Emma.

~ I have always been interested to know how Joanna achieved so much from her blog. You can read all about her story here. Blogging as a career from A Cup of JO. 

~ An idea to curb cyber bullying ~ Stop Harassing Me

~ Photos from The Olympics London 2012

my life my loves ~ WHEN LIFE CHANGES

Before you read this I have been running this all through my head as I am not the type of person to bad mouth or cast judgement on people and I was not going to share this here on my blog, but I just had to, to help me along the way. It helps to write things down.........doesn't it? call it my online journal and therapy all rolled into one.

At the moment I am going through some real inner turmoil, tossing and turning wondering where my life is heading. I have a partner who has just up and left and been living somewhere else to only come home when our daughters need to be somewhere. I feel fortunate that I do not drive as my daughters may not be getting any time with their father at all. I have sensed our relationship breakdown over the last, say 10 months. At times I am finding it really hard with my emotions. What do you do after 20 years together and then it all falls apart? 

Today I am finding it tough and I really would like to find a job and start living my own life with my daughters. At the moment I am in limbo, not knowing which way to go. But the one thing I do know is that I love blogging and will always continue to do so. what an emotional roller coaster I have been on this year with the sadness of losing my father, the joy of my brother getting engaged and marrying April next year. I am so happy for him and his gorgeous wife and children.

get the look ~ EMMA STONE

image / Forever New Knit $69.99 / Living Doll Ingrid Coat $174.94 / 

Birdsnest Not Your Daughters Jeans $199.00 / 

Dr Martins Sylvia Pink Shoes were $189.99 now $132.30 

style notes ~ The Eminence Dress from WISH

I purchased this divine Eminence dress from Wish. I am totally in love with this versatile piece that epitomises femininity. I will be wearing this on Saturday for my grand-daughter's 2nd Birthday. As it is still cold I will be adding leggings and a black long sleeve underneath with black boots. In the warmer weather I will wear it with sandals. You can purchase one from The Iconic for  $159.00. I am now on the lookout for a feature necklace to wear and maybe some wrist bling. Should I keep the bling delicate or chunky? What would you choose?